I just finished a book entitled, Two is Enough: A Couples Guide to Living Childless by Choice by Laura Scott. I found it profound in many ways. It has allowed me to learn to be free of others expectations of my husband and I when it comes to children. It has brought new life to our family of two, well okay four with our furkids, pursuing our dreams, and traveling. I hope you find this following blog entry interesting, and you can come away from it with some insight you might not have had before. Thanks for reading!
Oftentimes, over the course of my almost six year marriage to my wonderful husband, Denny, I am asked if we have children or when are we having children. I politely respond that we have two wonderful furkids, a cat, Callie, who is ten years old, and a dog, Scruffy, who is twelve years old. I am proud to show them pictures of our adorable furkids on my smartphone. I think most people are dumbfounded that Denny and I aren't parents. I say, it’s none of their business.
I have struggled for years with the question of parenthood in my future. I knew early on that I loved children and wanted children of my own. My husband and I had this conversation before we were married, early on in our dating relationship. We had an idea on how many kids, how many pets, possible names, type of house, etc. However, early on in my teens and into my twenties and thirties, I had to face the fact alone and with my husband, that we might become childfree/childless by circumstance combined with choice.
That might seem odd to all of you reading this whom are not close to my husband and I. Yet, here we are approaching our six year anniversary, and eleven years of knowing each other childfree. I don’t believe either of us intended to embark on such a journey, however, that’s how life happened for us. I have spent much of my adult life struggling with various health issues. I know at times, probably more than I could know or comprehend, I have been a burden to my husband. I am not saying this to be negative, I am saying this to be truthful. I am very blessed to have a husband who has stood by me through the good and the bad. I know not everyone can say that, children or no children.
Most young adults are out there making their way in the world forging new identities and opportunities through their careers, marriage, and parenthood. True, marriage and parenthood doesn’t happen for everyone. In fact, I was on a career oriented path when I met my husband. I was trying to balance work, school, social life with what felt like insurmountable health issues.
When I decided that marriage and children were for me, I changed my outlook, my career path, to be more flexible for our marriage, our future children, and our work lives. Unfortunately, I have stumbled upon the truth that changing one’s life goals and dreams, although admirable, doesn’t always have the intended outcome.
I realize now that I varied my career path choices to be part of the social norm, only I am not living the norm. It means being childfree at this stage of my life is breathing new life into the dreams I let go of in pursuit of parenthood. In addition, I am realizing that everyday someone is going to have a new criticism of our life choices to this point. I don’t work outside of the home currently, and I fully intend on returning to the workplace.
That being said many people have criticized our life choices. They can’t fathom “having all the time in the world to do what you want.” I find it very unfortunate that some people feel the need to assume we get to do whatever we like. I wish I could say I sit at home watching daytime television eating bon bons. That is not the case. I cook, sew, volunteer, etc. The list goes on. Yet, I don’t feel the need to justify my actions.
In our culture and society, parenthood deems you exempt from certain judgements, certain pressures, since you are living the social norm. When you do not live the norm by choice or circumstance automatically something is wrong with you. Life is not linear like a time line in a history book. It can be jagged, smooth, abrasive, up, down, happy, sad, etc. The point is life is what you make of it. For us, it’s what deck of cards we have been given, and how we chose to play the game. It is not going to mesh with what people want to hear or deem appropriate at times, it just is.
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