Passion for Giving Back

What’s your muse? Your passion? What makes you tick? All of us have questions like this that come up in our lives. How often do we answer them? The funny thing about life is not one single person looks at the world the same way, not a single one of us. Yet, we have the potential within us to be passionate about something. Usually, this is directed at our career path, whether we want children, pets, and a house with a big backyard. In life, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in these few things that we forget our passion can be directed at more than just those few things.

My husband and I both have a passion for our respective educational backgrounds and career paths. Currently, my path is on hold, and his is full steam ahead these days. I am blessed to know he is fulfilling his dream, his passion. How often do we as individuals really get to say that? I have wonderful dreams and passions taking a detour at the moment. In the meantime, I have focused my passion in other ways in which I can be helpful and of service.

Service you ask, why would I want to do that? I won’t tell you whether or not you should do it. I will just tell you my personal experience. It enriches me more than you can ever imagine. I am sure those of you reading this can attest to this being true. Helping others fills my heart, soul, and spirit with abundant joy. I am unable to put the true feeling to pen and paper, however, I hope you are getting the idea. It’s all encompassing. It’s amazing in just a few short moments you are making a big difference in the grand scheme of things.

An idea is how it starts. How else can it start? Big or small you can make a difference. Each of us, whether we express it outwardly or not, have an idea, a picture of how the world can become a better place. Some of us have small scale projects and others may have larger scale projects swirling in our minds. The scale of the project isn’t what matters, it’s the action.

Action, you say? Hmm... I have this great idea, and I can’t get off the ground. It’s okay. Haven’t we all been there at some moment, some stage of our lives? It can be difficult to know where to start on a project. It can be overwhelming. However, we have so many resources at our disposal. Maybe, we can all pick a charity, foundation, or organization that aligns with our values and ideals and input our various thoughts and ideas to make the world a better place one small step at a time.

Trust me, we aren’t going to always agree with what family members, spouses, life partners, significant others, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues chose to do. In the end, you need to choose what you can live with at the end of the day. That’s what ultimately matters. If you are going to give of your time and/or resources why not give back to something that tugs at your heart strings? Even in my own marriage, my husband and I have many of the same ideas and even some differences in where to give back, and that’s okay.

For me, I needed to find things that stirred up passion and joy within me. There is no reason to feel pressure to get involved in something that doesn’t make you feel some sort of spark, if it helps make a list of pros and cons. Usually, there are things you can fit in your schedule, your life. The best thing is no matter what you choose to do, you will be making a difference in someone’s life directly or indirectly. The point is that we do it. In addition, we get a benefit from giving back. Oftentimes, we make new and lasting friendships in the process. What could be better for our hearts and souls then to give joy back to others and in turn get more in return than you ever thought was possible?

So, go ahead, give it a try. You may like it.  You may not. In the end, you will find your place or places. All that really matters is that you do.

Childfree by Circumstance and Choice

I just finished a book entitled, Two is Enough: A Couples Guide to Living Childless by Choice by Laura Scott. I found it profound in many ways. It has allowed me to learn to be free of others expectations of my husband and I when it comes to children. It has brought new life to our family of two, well okay four with our furkids, pursuing our dreams, and traveling. I hope you find this following blog entry interesting, and you can come away from it with some insight you might not have had before. Thanks for reading!

Oftentimes, over the course of my almost six year marriage to my wonderful husband, Denny, I am asked if we have children or when are we having children. I politely respond that we have two wonderful furkids, a cat, Callie, who is ten years old, and a dog, Scruffy, who is twelve years old. I am proud to show them pictures of our adorable furkids on my smartphone. I think most people are dumbfounded that Denny and I aren't parents. I say, it’s none of their business. 

I have struggled for years with the question of parenthood in my future.  I knew early on that I loved children and wanted children of my own. My husband and I had this conversation before we were married, early on in our dating relationship. We had an idea on how many kids, how many pets, possible names, type of house, etc. However, early on in my teens and into my twenties and thirties, I had to face the fact alone and with my husband, that we might become childfree/childless by circumstance combined with choice.

That might seem odd to all of you reading this whom are not close to my husband and I. Yet, here we are approaching our six year anniversary, and eleven years of knowing each other childfree. I don’t believe either of us intended to embark on such a journey, however, that’s how life happened for us. I have spent much of my adult life struggling with various health issues. I know at times, probably more than I could know or comprehend, I have been a burden to my husband. I am not saying this to be negative, I am saying this to be truthful. I am very blessed to have a husband who has stood by me through the good and the bad. I know not everyone can say that, children or no children.

Most young adults are out there making their way in the world forging new identities and opportunities through their careers, marriage, and parenthood. True, marriage and parenthood doesn’t happen for everyone. In fact, I was on a career oriented path when I met my husband. I was trying to balance work, school, social life with what felt like insurmountable health issues.

When I decided that marriage and children were for me, I changed my outlook, my career path, to be more flexible for our marriage, our future children, and our work lives. Unfortunately, I have stumbled upon the truth that changing one’s life goals and dreams, although admirable, doesn’t always have the intended outcome.

I realize now that I varied my career path choices to be part of the social norm, only I am not living the norm. It means being childfree at this stage of my life is breathing new life into the dreams I let go of in pursuit of parenthood. In addition, I am realizing that everyday someone is going to have a new criticism of our life choices to this point. I don’t work outside of the home currently, and I fully intend on returning to the workplace.

That being said many people have criticized our life choices. They can’t fathom “having all the time in the world to do what you want.” I find it very unfortunate that some people feel the need to assume we get to do whatever we like. I wish I could say I sit at home watching daytime television eating bon bons. That is not the case. I cook, sew, volunteer, etc. The list goes on. Yet, I don’t feel the need to justify my actions.

In our culture and society, parenthood deems you exempt from certain judgements, certain pressures, since you are living the social norm. When you do not live the norm by choice or circumstance automatically something is wrong with you. Life is not linear like a time line in a history book. It can be jagged, smooth, abrasive, up, down, happy, sad, etc. The point is life is what you make of it. For us, it’s what deck of cards we have been given, and how we chose to play the game. It is not going to mesh with what people want to hear or deem appropriate at times, it just is.

Marriage is a partnership....

C’mon people, what’s with this is mine, this is yours crap! I realize you might have some things which are or will be strictly yours or mine. His or hers. I am talking about the big picture here. What happened to two becoming one? I realize each marriage relationship is different. I just don’t understand the territorial nature of some people.

A good example in my own marriage are our vehicles. Sure, they are his car and her car, however, it isn’t that black and white. For us, they are a form of transportation from Point A to Point B, and so on. I don’t understand why couples get so infuriated to the point of unhealthy, toxic stew, about one spouse driving the others vehicle. In the end, you will not be able to take it with you.

No one said marriage would be easy. No one said there wouldn’t be challenges. However, why not cut some slack and make it a little easier one step at a time. I have found cutting out some of the superficial things have made it easier along the way. By doing so, when something on a grander scale comes along, i.e. job loss, health issues, etc., it makes it easier to focus on what’s really important.

Maybe, I see things differently since I have spent so many years battling various health issues. They ground you. They make you see things that you may not have seen before. Maybe, that’s why I find this issue so infuriating.

I am so blessed everyday to have a husband like mine. He is one of the sweetest, most caring people I know. He has stuck by me every step of the way. That’s what love, commitment, and marriage are about. It isn’t about just the happy times, it’s about sticking it out through all the challenges. Trust me, we have had our fair share.

Our relationship is unique, just like everyone else’s. We don’t see what happens behind closed doors. My point is relationships are hard. They are not perfect. We see what we want to see. We don’t see what the person inside sees. Are you getting what I am saying? We see what we want or choose to see and not what is.

Life is full of misinformation. Maybe, you heard something and think it to be true. When in reality, it is not. In our society, it seems like everyone is an EXPERT on everyone else’s lives.  We find it easier to look out at everyone else, instead of looking inward and looking at our own lives. The same goes for marriages. One couple might think that another couple’s marriage is so much easier. When, in fact, it may not be.

My point is this, if you have a strong foundation you can whether the hard times. If you don’t things will fall apart at the first sign of something going wrong. I am not saying marriage is easy; it is not. It takes daily work. It may or may not go right today, what really matters is that you keep on trying.

My husband and I had the following read during our wedding ceremony. Maybe, it will be of help in your own marriage. Maybe, it will not. I am going to share it with you anyhow. It’s up to you if you chose to use it or not. As I stated earlier, each marriage is different, unique. No matter where you stand in your marriage, I wish you the best!

Excerpt From The Prophet “On Marriage” By Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

What is Hip Dysplasia?

Many of you are conjuring up images of hip dysplasia. However, what exactly is hip dysplasia? First let’s go over the breakdown of the word and go from there.

According to my medical terminology text you can break down dysplasia into different parts.
dys- means abnormal, difficult
-plasia means formation

Therefore, from that information we can glean the word dysplasia means abnormal formation or abnormal tissue growth.  In my case, it pertains to abnormal formation of the hip.

In my previous post on hip dysplasia, I wrote about congenital bilateral subluxation of the hips. I am certain many of you were left perplexed after reading it. Pondering, what does it mean and how do you say it? I hope the following definitions and links help you understand what it is.

congenital: a malformation usually present at birth

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/congenital?show=0&t=1335295234
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=17555
http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/congenital
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/congenital

bilateral: relating to the left and right sides of the body (in my case the hips)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bilateral

bi- means twice, or double
-lateral means to the side

subluxation: partial dislocation between joint surfaces

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/subluxation

sub- means less than, under, inferior
-luxation means complete dislocation
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=5581


Now, you should be able to understand that I have partial dislocation of both hips due to malformed bones present since birth.

Laundry Desperation: A Skinnier Jeans Tale

So, out of desperation this morning trying to get dressed, I tried on a pair of my skinnier jeans. Not my skinny jeans, just my skinnier jeans. This may be confusing, however it is not.  Most women have their skinny jeans, I have my skinnier jeans. I call them that due to the nature of my weight loss endeavor. I am undergoing a change in my life and my body. After years of a variety of things that caused me to gain weight including some medication side effects (i.e. prednisone and I have a love/hate relationship), I am getting to where I used to be, where I want to be.

Currently, the hamper is overflowing awaiting sorting day. I needed to get my act together. So, I decided after searching for clean jeans, to give my used to fit in these when I was skinnier pile. I was shell shocked! I fit in them! I didn’t have fight, scream, suck in, or stop breathing. It was a divine moment. I am thrilled! This means within a matter of time, I will be able to donate or trash my fat clothes and dive back in to my skinnier jeans and pants pile. What a thrill it will be to fit back in all of them.

My goal is to see those get too big and move on to a newly purchased pile of skinnier jeans. I will not be able to call them skinny jeans until I get to my ideal weight. Until then, I am going to enjoy the ride! :)

Hip Dysplasia: Dog or Human?

Amazingly, I match our dog. If you do an internet search on hip dysplasia you will see what I mean. Everywhere you search online the number of websites on dog hip dysplasia are astounding in comparison to the ones on human hip dysplasia.

I uttered an audible laugh when the doctor told me I had hip dysplasia. Congenital bilateral subluxation of the hips is the official name. Trying saying that three times fast!! Oh joy!! The condition isn’t fun and explains much of my suspicions from early on in life. I have suffered pain in my hips for years.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to have a name to it. However, the treatment and repair is no walk in the park. However, a walk in the park with our dog seems more fun than the ominous future of my hips. This condition explains my limp, my use of a cane and/or walking poles. Sorry about having to use them at your wedding Kari! I had a great time at your wedding despite my walking pole assistant on the dance floor.

Since my diagnosis, I have done some research. I was thrilled to find an institute for it. (International Hip Dysplasia Institute (IHDI) http://www.hipdysplasia.org/default.aspx) However, finding out that Larry the Cable Guy’s Git-R-Done Foundation (http://www.gitrdonefoundation.org) was instrumental in getting IHDI off the ground, which by the way the made my day! I wasn’t happy to find out his involvement came from his son’s own struggle with hip dysplasia. None the less, I welcome Git-r-Done Foundation’s help in funding research, struggling families, and individuals with hip dysplasia.

Life is what you make of it...

So, I was reading my friend Kari's blog regarding entitlement. It was quite interesting. I have to say I agree with her on many points. However, that being said, I believe all people at some point in their lives feel entitled to many things. These things could be money, a newer car, a raise, a better job, etc. I believe you are given a deck of cards in this life and YOU must choose what to do with them.

Sometimes, you might play a great hand, and sometimes you will not. That's part of the fun of life, we are HUMAN!! This allows us to make mistakes and learn and grow from them, if we so choose. We have free will to choose what we would like to do. We are oftentimes given parameters to work within. However, it's how you play the game that matters.

For instance, you can be given a horrible set of circumstances and choose to wallow in it, or you can embrace it and learn from it and pass something positive on. Big or small, YOU choose how to deal with what comes your way.

I have spent much of teen years and adult life in and out of the doctors offices for various medical conditions.  My medical conditions are mine. They are no one's fault, therefore, there is no one to blame. Frankly, I am glad I have been handed this deck of cards. I would not want it any other way. It's not always an easy life, however, it's my life. Therefore, my medical choices are mine and no one else's. I have gone through various medical tests, procedures, surgeries, physical therapy, etc. I don't want pity of any kind. I want people to learn to embrace their differences whatever they maybe.

Currently, I walk with a limp sometimes. Sometimes I use my walking poles for assistance. I don't feel ashamed. It's who I am. The surgery to fix it isn't going to be fun, and it will be painful. I know I can move forward from it. I am not able to do some of the things I used to be able to do, or I would like to do. However, I find new and creative ways to do them. Otherwise, I find different things to do. I find ways which allow me to thrive.

It may not be the way I had planned my life to be. It may not be the way any close friend, family member, or casual observer around me would like to see. However, at the end of the day, I don't have to answer to someone else. I answer to myself and God. It's that simple.

I am from a family that can remember the Great Depression and World War II. I have family who chose to emigrate here to have a better life. We are hard workers in whatever we do, paid or unpaid. We value family, friendships, and the community around us. We value our faith in God.

Sure, I could take the easy road, but I choose not to. Why you ask? Because, it's in my blood, it's who I am. I take pride in everything I do. I never forget where I came from, or the sacrifices my family made to get me to where I am today. I believe everything happens for a reason. You are at this point in life because you were destined for it. You are exactly where you were meant to be at this moment.

I may not have a paycheck right now, yet, I know with hard work, determination, and tenacity something will turn my way. Currently, my job is to take care of the home. I take pride in it. I may not succeed to my high expectations everyday, however, I know I tried, I worked hard, and I never gave up!